Mujeres, UFOs and Karate

By: Artis H. – Guestblogger from Antigua
In my host family, we gather for meals three times a day. Breakfast is a brief affair, all preparation for the day to come. Lunch (the biggest meal of the day) is mostly dedicated to eating. But dinner, where I try out my Spanish speaking skills and my family practices their patience, is by far the most convivial. On most nights, the senor graces us with one of his stories.
"Many years ago," he begins, "I was in a bar in central Mexico." He tells the students at the table (myself, a Canadian, and an American couple) that this was back when he was still drinking and chasing women. The senora laughs and rolls her eyes. "So, in this bar, this mujer muy guapa (very beautiful woman) comes over to me and starts talking. I buy her a drink and ask her if she'd like to dance. The dancing continued for a while, the senor says, and then the woman kissed him. "She was really very beautiful. How could I say no?" At the end of the song, the bartender called the senor over. "He tells me, 'That mujer you are dancing with? No es una mujer. Es un hombre.'" At the dinner table, the senor laughs. "And that's how I kissed a man."
Another time, he tells us about the UFO he saw fly over the volcano Pacaya, "It was silver with red and yellow lights," he says, and the ghost that attacked two men at the cemetery in Antigua. "It was in all the papers the next day."
My favorite is the story about the Japanese tourist. According to the senor, he was taking a siesta in the front room closest to the street when he heard yelling coming from the sidewalk. He opened the shutters and poked his head outside. Further down, a young Guatemalan man was running with a backpack. The pack's Japanese owner followed close behind. At the end of the street, the tourist caught up with the thief and unleashed a flurry of karate moves. The man cried out and handed over the stolen mochila.
"Es verdad?" I ask with wide eyes. Is it true?
The senor nods. "Si," he says. "I saw it with my own eyes."